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Literature Text
The pony Games
Chapter 2
I walk into the house still pondering the word Rainbowdash told me, "Run".
Run, run as fast as you can
Get away the Pony Games Must
END.
What the heck was I thinking President Snowflake must make the right decisions for society,right?
"Honey it's time" stammers my mother as she pulls up my yellow and brown mane with a rose colored ribbon. The ribbon brought out my brown eyes. "There" completes my mother as she pulls the bow tight around my mane. It pulls on my mane and I see several pieces of my mane fall out.
"I look beautiful?" I say in a tone saying this is what I'm supposed to say.
"You do," she say smiling and rushing me at the same time ",now we need to go"
We walk to Ponyvilles Justice Building a couple blocks away through crowds of brightly colored dresses (most falling apart) and painted faces. Rarity stands staring at the ponies all wearing her dresses. She knows all the dresses are falling apart, but in all the stress and anxiety she screams, "This is great I have never seen anything so beautiful!!!" I note whats around her neck, her element of harmony generosity. I look up to her head and see Twilight's element, the element of magic. Twilight. Celestia. Everything comes back.
2 years ago when I was 14 Celestia ruled Equestria. Twilight was 15 and still studying the magic of friendship, she was my best friend. Then Snowflake thought we had "no social order" and where "to happy" and our society wasn't "running properly". To much friendship. To make a point he captured Twilight I screamed and me and rainbow tried to hit him from the sky but we where to late she was gone. later that day she was hung from the branch of the library. I remember seeing it on TV Celestia went insane, screaming and curing. Snowflakes face grinned with greed. he had Celestia in his hooves(Luna had died last year). Celestia was in chains "The elements!" she screeched "harmony!" I never for got that day the day Celestia died.
Chapter 2
I walk into the house still pondering the word Rainbowdash told me, "Run".
Run, run as fast as you can
Get away the Pony Games Must
END.
What the heck was I thinking President Snowflake must make the right decisions for society,right?
"Honey it's time" stammers my mother as she pulls up my yellow and brown mane with a rose colored ribbon. The ribbon brought out my brown eyes. "There" completes my mother as she pulls the bow tight around my mane. It pulls on my mane and I see several pieces of my mane fall out.
"I look beautiful?" I say in a tone saying this is what I'm supposed to say.
"You do," she say smiling and rushing me at the same time ",now we need to go"
We walk to Ponyvilles Justice Building a couple blocks away through crowds of brightly colored dresses (most falling apart) and painted faces. Rarity stands staring at the ponies all wearing her dresses. She knows all the dresses are falling apart, but in all the stress and anxiety she screams, "This is great I have never seen anything so beautiful!!!" I note whats around her neck, her element of harmony generosity. I look up to her head and see Twilight's element, the element of magic. Twilight. Celestia. Everything comes back.
2 years ago when I was 14 Celestia ruled Equestria. Twilight was 15 and still studying the magic of friendship, she was my best friend. Then Snowflake thought we had "no social order" and where "to happy" and our society wasn't "running properly". To much friendship. To make a point he captured Twilight I screamed and me and rainbow tried to hit him from the sky but we where to late she was gone. later that day she was hung from the branch of the library. I remember seeing it on TV Celestia went insane, screaming and curing. Snowflakes face grinned with greed. he had Celestia in his hooves(Luna had died last year). Celestia was in chains "The elements!" she screeched "harmony!" I never for got that day the day Celestia died.
the pony games have begun. comment if you want more or like it or bolth
© 2012 - 2024 TeslaSong
Comments4
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Overall Vision
Originality
Technique ImpactOnce again, I like this.
A few things though, the word "to". You need to use "too", to indicate a degree of something, ie: Too much friendship, "too happy."
I edited this sentence: "What the heck was I thinking, President Snowflake must make the right decisions for society, right?" Please note the commas, spaces, and adjusted punctuation.
...at the same time, "now we need to go."
We walk to Ponyville's Justice Building...
I note what's around her neck...
To make a point, he captured Twilight. I screamed, and Rainbow and I tried to hit him from the sky...
Whet, is a type of stone used to sharpen knives, not whet insane. You want the word "went" there.
And lastly, but certainly not least: where. You go somewhere. Where is it you go? The word "where" means a destination or location. You used the word where throughout your piece in place of the word were. Were is a verb. We were doing that.
One last thing, what timeline are you using, because if Katniss was 14, and Twilight was 15, how did Luna die before Katniss was born?
Anyways, great work, keep it up. These were mostly minor grammatical errors. :]